All JT could talk about yesterday was how much he doesn't want to do it anymore. How much he is dreading today. He's been crying too. It's hard to see that; he rarely cries. I told him this will pass, that there's nothing he can't do. He tried to train for the physical demands, but it turned out to be much harder than he thought. Most of the other guys were prepared from their experience in the military. But JT was blown away by it.
I don't know what to say sometimes. "Well, honey, you knew this would be hard and you signed up anyway. There's no going back." What real choice does he have? Our family depends on this now. My part time job is not going to pay the rent. Yet, every time I looked into his eyes yesterday I met a wish, a prayer, that somebody would just tell him "It's OK--you don't have to do this if you don't want to."
When he left this morning he looked like a dying animal. Like he was hoping somebody would just shoot him for mercy.
9 hours ago