JT just got his hat and his gun, both of which are cool and beautiful and scary all at the same time. The hat has a shiny badge-type crest on it with the seal of the state of California. The fabric is either black or such a dark shade of blue that it's almost black. The seal is white and yellow gold.
He let me hold his gun, which will never be loaded while he is in academy except during shooting lessons. It was heavy, and I had difficulty lifting it level to aim at anything. I told him that we have to buy a very strong safe for it, and that I don't want him to even tell me the combination. I don't know why I said that. It's just that guns freak me out a little. All the time in the news we're confronted with their deadly and tragic effects. When I was a kid, a boy at my school killed his best friend because they were playing with his daddy's gun. (His dad was a police officer.) These friends were only six or seven years old.
Maybe as a result of that story, impressed on me very young, I have always been very anti-guns. But there's no getting around it now; my husband has to carry a weapon to protect himself. So it's weird that, for all my anti-gun sentiment, I can't help but find JT kind-of sexy with a gun belt.
I am a die-hard fan of mob movies. Ask me what the best movie ever made was and I will tell you every time, it was The Godfather. I could write a dissertation on the women in The Godfather, and their fatal attraction to power. And it just dawned on me: Am I the same way?
Am I attracted to men with power? I don't think so... It was JT's music prowess that initially hooked me (every man I've ever been with, for that matter, was a musician). Power is a whole new territory for me, and it scares me that I kind-of like it...
9 hours ago